|jaded, end of the road|

i can't believe how tired i am at the end of a day.

the days at work are long, and i didn't even do much today.

the residents are getting on my nerves. two years of chief is too much. talk about underappreciated work!

so much left to learn....

|signs|

we haven't given madeline any new signs. it seems that she is inventing her own, though. she has invented "wash hands" and "bottle" and one that i am deciphering as "water".

i think she is meaningfully saying "dada" at this point. the rest of the babble doesn't seem to have a purpose that i can make out.

i am surprised at how much she understands when we speak to her. she probably thinks we're the slow ones.

everything is new and wonderful. sitting through church has good and bad days. the last church we went to had a silent mass, which made the mass shorter. the church we go to now doesn't have a silent mass, so we just go to the earliest one and hope that madeline can make it through the hour. it's a small church, but they have a very pretty little fountain in the lobby, so sometimes madeline and i will go visit it if she gets too cranky. today, she did really well -she was even dancing a little to the music.

she takes about 4 or 5 steps, now. i think that by her birthday she will be toddling about. speaking of birthdays... all three of our birthdays are within one week! obviously, her birthday will always be at the forefront. i don't mind being shadowed by her; i'm a wallflower by nature -but i think matt wishes his birthday could still just be about him. i will have to think hard about how to make him feel special. it is easy to forget that he is having a birthday, too.

madeline is turning one... oh my... and we are turning 30! hm. it's a bit late to plan anything big -and i've been so swamped at work lately that it's a miracle i have any clean socks to wear. i need ideas for a party!

|when you need something done|

...give it to a busy person.

it is crazy busy. but i am learning a lot. i need to hide out and study.

madeline-time has been sparse, lately. it is really tough to go days without seeing her. i sneak out before she is up, and get home after her bedtime. i wish there were more time in the day. well, not really; the days are long enough.

today, i got home earlier. the pleasure of bathing her, feeding her, changing her, and putting her down to bed... sure, it is work, but it is joyous work. when i rinse out her shampoo and massage her baby skin, i am enveloped in her little presence. her perfect little muffin top belly calls to me. i want to inhale her, swallow her, squish her. i love her so much.

she is signing a few things, now. she signs "eat" (though not frequently), "more", "sleep", and "down". she uses bye-bye as her signal that she wants to get down from the high chair or get out of the bath. she is pretty good at asking for a nap or night-night, too. she is starting to sign the word "bath" in conjunction with "sleep" since she usually gets one before bed. i am not sure that we will give her too many more signals. it would be nice for her to start using some words, too. we gave her a few to help her feel less frustated. now, instead of throwing a fit, she will sign to get down from the high chair. that is very helpful to us all.

she has been an easy baby.

discussions on seconds have been nipped in the bud. the boards will be my baby this year. matt understands the pressure i am under. he has been very helpful. i just need to study hard and pass.