|other thoughts|

today i realized that i have been a bit depressed. it was hard to notice, since i'm not depressed at home, or with madeline. (really, how can you be depressed around her gigantic toothy smile?)

but i've been dragging ass at work. i think it's this year's in-service exam that is coming up. i don't feel energized about work. i feel behind where i should be. and i know that a lot of it has to do with becoming a mother in the past year.

i have more to learn and read. there isn't adequate time, anymore. and i have a hard time justifying what to do with my time. be a wife, be a mother, or study. mostly, i've been dropping the studying. but i think that's what has got me depressed, now. somehow i have to balance that again.

and i miss other things. those things that i slowly lost over the years. i miss reading non-medicine (and i don't even read enough medicine!). i'm not sure if i've lost focus or what exactly is wrong. something.

i've been very negative, lately. mostly about myself.

i've been focusing a lot on madeline and matt. they make me feel good inside. i know they are the most important, but obviously there must be something else that i am missing -otherwise i wouldn't feel so lousy (so, i assume it has to do with work, since that's all there is outside of matt and madeline, right?).

there is more to life than love.

|oh yeah, this thing|

occasionally, i forget about this thing called a blog.

the baby is amazing. and she's not so much a baby anymore. she's starting to crawl!

we officially have a "swear jar" in the house, now. it would be awful if madeline's first word were a swear word. lol.

|mile high|

hello from denver.
seems like a nice enough town.

i've banished myself to my hotel room to finish working on my presentation for tuesday. i only get 10 minutes to talk, which seems like it would be cake... except that i feel like a phony. and the experts will destroy me.

but in the grand scheme of things, i guess it is only 10 minutes that will be quickly forgotten.

i miss madeline and matt fiercely.