|milk cows|

me:  i never want to be a milk cow.  i know how they feel when they need to be milked... 

 

matt: being a milk cow is better than being a meat cow.

|milk cows|

me:  i never want to be a milk cow.  i know how they feel when they need to be milked... 

 

matt: being a milk cow is better than being a meat cow.

|milk cows|

me:  i never want to be a milk cow.  i know how they feel when they need to be milked... 

 

matt: being a milk cow is better than being a meat cow.

|rice|

she had rice cereal tonight. just a bite, most of it on her chin. she made terrific faces! and she smiled a big goofy smile.

when i got called in to work today, all i could think of was getting home so i could love her some more.

so, i got the fellowship i wanted. they called me on thursday and said the decision was unanimous, and my contract was in the mail. i'm really looking forward to working with this group of people. what an amazing opportunity. and what a shot of confidence to know that all the people with whom i will be working also want to work with me!

| on call | why is she so wonderful |

i am addicted to her. just looking at a picture of her will boost my spirits while i'm at work.

we're going to start solids this weekend. it's a couple weeks earlier than expected, but she is definitely not getting enough calories from milk anymore. she's getting up almost twice a night to eat again. this will be lots of fun!

i think we'll start with sweet potatoes.

|foot in mouth|

she is starting to chew on her toes.  that big toe looks so fat and juicy.  i bet it tastes good.

|the days slip by|

matt asked me if i wanted to drop off madeline at daycare today, so i could go shopping (i have the day off). i couldn't do it. it seems like i don't have enough time to spend with her as it is... and even though i would love to get some free time, today wasn't the day.

so, matt took a half day, and the three of us went shopping together. of course, we bought her things. we can't resist. but there were great clearance sales at the baby clothing outlets, so she's set until her next big growth spurt. plus, she can't live in PJs/sleepers forever. it's about time we got her some real clothes. although, i must say that zippered and footed sleepers are terrific for little wee ones.

she has learned how to squeal, and she is practicing frequently. we call her "banshee baby" now. she was "wolf baby" when she was born because she would grunt and growl. and then she was the "vampire baby" because we never took her out to see the light of day, and she liked to suck on flesh. she has already led a very exciting life.

oh, and she's rolling. it's going to be time to babyproof soon!

i made her promise me that we would never fight.

|the art of living in peace|

the great thing about residency is that no matter what, you know you are outta there in a matter of time. 

 

i need to solidify my new year's resolutions:

- cook more often and cook whole, healthy foods

- read more pathology, study for the boards

- practice apathy, or the art of living in peace

- read 3 self-help books, any topic

- open one new investment

 

and the usual:

- be more sociable

- be a good friend

- be more patient

- get out of my head

 

madeline is teething.  i hope she feels better soon.  she's incredible, and exhausting.  i can't get enough.

|teeth|

she's defnitely teething. her left cheek is bright red, and she's drooling. her fingers are in her mouth, and sometimes she yells in pain. it's tough being a baby!

she motor skills are advancing daily. it's slow enough to not notice. but every once in a while, i am surpised to see her do something new. she likes spinning toys.

she's five months! and, as i sit here pumping, i am amazed that we are still breastfeeding. and it is easier now than it was. i didn't think it could be easy like this. we're so lucky.

she's a great baby. all i ask for now is some sleep.

|can't get enough|

the girl has no ankles. she also has no wrists. she is so fat, we has fat folds where she has no joints! for example, she has a fold of fat in the middle of her forearm.

and yet, we obsess that she doesn't eat enough. i am not sure why. the other night, she wouldn't eat more than an ounce before bed. so i resigned myself to waking up sometime in the middle of the night to feed her. this was during a particularly difficult week of being on call. well, i got paged plenty of times, but she never woke up to eat.

i got up at 5am. she was still asleep.

why didn't she get up? she must be starving! she hasn't had a full meal in over 12 hours!

i start getting ready for work, and she still doesn't stir.

she's dead. that's it. oh my god, she starved to death.

i tiptoe to her door, and listen carefully for sounds of her breathing. moments later, i feel idiotic. babies don't starve to death overnight. especially not babies that are in the 95th percentile for their height and weight group.

parents think the weirdest, most irrational things.

|her love is easy|

that pork shoulder was an interesting experiment. it turned out well -very moist. lots of leftovers... a few dinners for the deep freeze, and lots of meat left for the week. i'm thinking -hot pork sandwiches and open face pork sandwiches.

i got a rachael ray cookbook for christmas from matt's parents. (he hates rachael ray.) he took the book back to the bookstore! i gave him my giftcard, too, and told him to spend it for me. he came home with larousse gastronomique. i was surprised and impressed. now i have some serious reading to do.

madeline is at such a great age. it is such an amazing feeling when she looks at you and smiles. oh yeah, it's you, mommy. sometimes she stops playing, looks up, and gives you the biggest toothless grin -or a huge, uninhibited, open-mouthed smile.

|updates|

madeline is sick, again! i don't remember, but i guess kids must get sick all the time. it's so sad. but she doesn't seem to be too miserable. we can't stop buying her things. well, she does need some things (like a high chair and clothes)... but we're such suckers. we bought her a cute little hat at an after christmas sale from this overpriced baby store called "gymboree". we paid $8 (on clearance!) for it, and i wouldn't even buy myself a new sweater for $9. what weirdos. btw, the hat that she is wearing in this picture was $15. that one is from "talbot's kids". we had a coupon for a free onesie if we made a purchase. matt said the cheapest thing in the store was that hat. turns out that the free onesie would have been $20. who are they kidding?! we have onesies that madeline never even wore because she grew so fast. we probably won't be shopping at those stores again, soon. we got really lucky with a bunch of second-hand baby clothes that a friend gave us, but she's outgrown them, so now we're having fun buying her cute outfits.

i've been on call all week, and am feeling a bit sleep deprived.

there is semi-good fellowship news. i told the first fellowship that i wanted to wait for the second fellowship to make a decision. they are going to wait for me. i've learned a lot about the games they play. i'm glad i didn't yield to their pressures. it was the right move for a lot of reasons. and in the end, i think i'll be happy no matter which one i choose. i'm a lucky girl.

on the cooking front, we haven't been eating out (obviously). we're too lazy to take madeline out, and i do like to cook. and it's good practice for staying frugal. but we are still getting to treat ourselves... it just involves a bit more work on my end. i told matt to pick up any cut of meat he wanted from the store. he came home with a 9 pound, bone-in pork shoulder with skin.

we've been obsessed with pork cracklings and pork belly since watching an episode of gordon ramsey's bbc show "the F word". he raised his own pigs, and then cooked them! so, my goal for tomorrow is to make a beautiful pork roast with cracklings. the leftovers will be great for pulled pork sandwiches and dinners for the deep freeze. i hope it turns out well.

i think one of my new year's resolutions should be to eat better, and buy better ingredients. i'm still working on the other resolutions.

|center of my universe|

she is starting to show emotions. happiness. sadness.



when i put her down for a nap, she knows what i am doing. she looks at me with big eyes... no, mommy! no! don't go... i want to stay with you. let's play!



she turns her head to watch me as i leave the room, and she cries. not the same infant crying as before... but a sad crying. it breaks my heart. but i know she is tired, and she falls asleep within minutes.



matt thinks i should wait to hear from the second fellowship, even if it means losing out on both. the second fellowship won't be ready to make a decision until the end of january.