|one funny thing|

so, i have a mini goal. or several.
i seem to always set these little goals, and never feel like they are met. so, now i set a target date. tomorrow and friday, my goal is to wear my contacts to work. this is a physical self-improvement goal.

in addition, my goal for the remainder of the week is to think of something funny at least once per day and say it out loud to test it out. sadly, that is a high bar for me. and i would be shocked if anybody else found my thought funny.

today, about halfway through my leftover chicken chow mein, i found a bug. the splayed, leggy black body was plastered onto a grain of rice -a stark contrast of colors. time of death, as best i could estimate, was in the hours to days range rather than minutes ago. i pushed it aside, debating whether i would just eat around it (still being quite hungry).

i thought: in some parts of the world, people eat bugs. maybe not this kind of bug... but in other parts of the world, people eat food that isn't as clean as this. a little bug in my food is nothing. the rest of the meal didn't touch the bug, so it should be fine. i should just keep eating.

but in the end, i couldn't bring another forkful to my mouth. my stomach felt both hungry and ill. guilt-ridden, i dumped the rest of the meal in the trash bin. i felt spoiled. it was a weird moment... feeling spoiled for wanting to eat clean food? sometimes i get strange ideas.

i feel far from myself.