|can't get enough|

i don't know why she's so huge. we think she wants to grow as big as the sun. maybe she is like those fish that grow as big as their tank allows them.

her 2 month appointment: 16lb 4oz.

today, i met a 1-year-old who was 17.5 pounds. i wonder why she is growing so fast. that breast milk must be some good stuff. i trust that she knows what she's doing.

she's starting to get her hand into her mouth a little more, and she seems to be batting at her baby einstein toy. we still have some cranky time in the evenings, but i think that's starting to pass. she's even slept through a few nights, now. i hope she keeps that up!

everyday is new and different. she got 4 shots on tuesday, and decided to go on a hunger strike for a few days. (not that we worried... she's got enough stores of fat to get her through the winter!)

time to go feed.

|mastitis|

what a hateful thing to happen.

this was my second bout of mastitis. it came on fast and hard and pretty much wiped me out for 4 days. i think the worst part of mastitis is the fear that this could be the end of breastfeeding -that there won't be milk anymore. i would look at how beautifully fat and big my dear madeline had gotten on my milk, and it made me so sad to think that this could be the end. i hadn't even had a chance to protect her from evil daycare germs, yet! too painful to nurse, i pumped every couple of hours, even when the milk was only coming out drop by drop. hot showers, warm water soaks, and massaging as much as i could stand... i think it's starting to get better. last night i was able to put her to breast, and she did a good job emptying a lot of milk out. there's still a painful lump in there, 6 days after it started. that has me a little worried that it might need to be lanced, but as long as i am making milk, i can handle anything. yay for milk!

so, i didn't do much of anything this weekend. i made a baked mac and cheese one night, and froze some of it for future use. wrote some more thank you cards, paid some bills... but mostly i spent the weekend hooked up to the pump. i have a love-hate relationship with that pump. at first, i blamed the pump for the mastitis. if i were nursing instead of pumping, this wouldn't have happened. then, when it becamse too painful to nurse, and i had to turn to the pump, i was thankful for it. so, i blamed other things. maternity leave in this country is cmopletely inadequate, especially for breastfeeding mothers. if i didn't have to go back to work so soon and pump at work, i wouldn't have gotten mastitis. and, of course, i hate my lumpy, ill-fitting, hands free pumping bra, which, at this very moment, is poking my sore spot and making me wonder if it's causing more damage. but, short of going braless at work, there isn't much i can do right now. i resolve not to wear this bra again for extended lengths of time. there's another hands-free pumping and torture contraption arriving in the mail for me today. hopefully, i will have more luck with that. otherwise, i'm going to do have to get good at rubberbanding it.

it's all worth it, though. just look at her!

|i love the baby|

6:00pm:  feed baby.  bathe baby.  dress baby.  dry baby's hair.  (she loves the warm air from the hair dryer, and the soothing lull.)  baby sleeps.

 

6:45pm:  check on tomorrow's bottles.  crash in bed.

 

9:00pm:  get up.  rummage for food.  sleep-pump on one side. 

 

9:30pm:  feed baby on other side.  baby sleeps.  finish pumping.  pack tomorrow's bags.

 

10:00pm:  crash in bed again.  sleep fitfully.  wake every 2 hours to listen if baby is asleep.

 

4:00am:  get up to feed baby.  baby sleeps.

 

4:30am:  look at baby.  hold baby.  can't seem to put baby down...  just want to sit here with her forever.... 

 

4:45am:  tear myself away.  go back to bed.  "i love the baby," i whisper to matt.  he hugs me.  "i love you too," i add.

 

5:15am:  get up.  pump both sides.  wash pump parts.  shower.  off to work.

|eviction notice|

while pathology residents don't generally take in-house call, we do have the privilege of having our own call room.  we do take call for a week at a time, sometimes.  and, sometimes, we're just better off taking call in-house, rather than going home.

 

well, i've been scoping out various places to pump, since the offices that i have been using are occassionally occupied.  and one will be continuously occupied starting in november.  so, i thought i would scope out our rarely-used call room.  (i have only used it once, before.)

 

i key in...  someone is sleeping in my bed, and there he is!

 

turns out, every pathology resident had the key to the pediatric department's call room.  not knowing this, i rudely awakened a post-call intern and tried to give him the boot.  he didn't budge and said that my room was across the hall.  turns out, he was right.

 

two days later, i obtained the correct key to the correct call room...  i key in, and someone has been sleeping in my bed!

 

the closet is full of changes of clothing and shoes, clean white coats bearing the name of some surgery resident, and plenty of personal hygeine products.  oh yeah, and a bag of microwave popcorn.  it looks like this guy has gotten pretty darned comfortable.  he might have been living in there for years, for all we know!  no path resident has even had a key for that room in years!

 

unfortunately, his free ride is over.  soon, there will be three path residents looking for a place to pump.  i suspect that the call room will be reclaimed by our department, and the locks changed.  i just wonder who is going to tell him!

 

one fellowship application is out!  working on the second one... 

|more hoarding | nine weeks |

this weekend was pretty successful...  saturday was a big cooking day.  and sunday, we managed to take madeline with us to a baby shower.  we didn't stay long enough to see the action (opening presents and such), but it was a confidence booster just to get her out of the house and socialize a bit.  she was really good.

 

lately, she has been messing with the sleep schedule.  we're still keeping our fingers crossed that she will start sleeping 8 hours any day now.  please, baby, sleep! 

 

saturday's cook-fest:

- jambalaya (sausage and shrimp) x 8 servings

- pepperoni penne x 6 servings

- curry chicken and rice x 6 servings

- barbacoa with cilantro and lime rice x 6 servings

- garlic bread x 12 slices

- twice baked potatoes with cheddar and parsley x 21 servings

 

the freezer is getting pretty well stocked.  maybe next weekend, i won't do a big crazy cooking extravaganza.  maybe i'll just make 2 things -but slightly more complicated.  like dinner rolls.  or roast chickens.  plus, i don't want to run out of space for that grass-fed beef i want to buy.  i should call about that soon.

 

jessie brought over some flax seeds on saturday.  we've been reading a lot about DHA and brain development.  with fish being so sketchy, i've been looking for alternative sources of DHA.  matt bought an enfamil supplement for me, and i'm working on incorporating flax into our foods.  jessie and i just bought a bunch of flax off amazon.  it's kinda fun, actually.  plus, it makes matt eat better, too.  for all his complaining, i think he really wants us to be a healthy family.

 

my newest project is a price book.  you keep track of prices on things that you buy frequently in a little book.  track the prices at the different stores, and track when items are on sale...  it's almost like a little game...  i can stock up on meat when i get a really good price.  gotta put that freezer to use!  or toilet paper, or flour.  i'm picking up tips on being frugal.  i am really enjoying myself, too.  it's like a little challenge.  i'm having fun with it.

 

boy, i miss the baby already.  it's only 9:30am.

|date night|

everyone said that things would change when the baby came...  some meaning it to be an exciting time in our lives, some said it as an ominous warning. 

 

of course things change.  the incredible thing is that things haven't changed all that much.  i mean, we do miss sleeping in on the weekends, but we still make weekend breakfast and read the paper... we just do it a little earlier (or later).

 

we don't go out, now.  we usually take turns running out to the store if we need something.  we don't pick up and go like before, but we never really went out much -just shopping on the weekends, and restaurants for lunch or dinner.  and we weren't socialites, so we're not missing out on parties or gatherings.  so, really, not much has changed.  in fact, staying in has saved us literally hundreds of dollars over the past few months...  home grown lunches and dinners!  i suppose that's the biggest change -the budgeting.  but i view it as a challenge; it will be fun.  in reality, we are so incredibly fortunate. 

 

so, over the past 8 weeks, we have been doing "dinner dates".  we would eat dinner and watch BBC america.  we're in love with gordon ramsey!  (he's not really a jerk...  he's just passionate -and brilliant.)  just the act of us sitting down together to do something was great for our relationship.  even if it was just eating dinner together and watching a TV show.  (what would we do with DVR?!) 

 

but, tonight, we are actually going to have a real date night!  matt's mom is staying with us for the week to see the baby.  she wants us to go out and have dinner tonight while she watches madeline.  i'm a little worried, since madeline is fussy at night -i don't really want to leave her.  but at the same time, i feel like we should do it. 

 

the thing i miss most:  weekend shopping.  we used to go grocery shopping together at costco.  i think that was one of my favorite things to do together.  i'd try to convince matt why we needed a giant jar of capers or bag of dates.  we'd make impulse purchases together....  just walking up and down the aisles, browsing.  i miss the togetherness, and i miss the impulse purchases.  but we have new things to do (like making freeze ahead meals, and shopping frugally) which are just as fun.

 

i'm nervous about date night tonight.  i am trying to think of it as a stepping stone for me...  eventually, we will have to leave her at daycare.  so this is like practicing leaving her with someone...  at least it is family.

|the frugal iron chef|

it's only tuesday, and boy am i ready for the weekend!

madeline slept for 7+ hours last night, which was great. 

not so great is pumping and plugs in the boob.  ugh.  too bad i can't take more time off to be with her.  six months would be great...  she'd be starting solids and i wouldn't be so stressed about pumping enough for her.  being stressed makes me not pump enough, and the vicious cycle is complete.  plugs don't help anything, either.  i think that once i start getting more sleep, i'll feel more relaxed.  i don't know how people do it. 

 

on a fun note, i'm planning this weekend's cooking extravaganza!  i'm excited about hoarding more food away.  if i plan carefully, i hope to make several servings of each of the following:

 

-  twice baked potatoes

-  garlic bread

-  shrimp and sausage jambalaya

-  pepperoni rigatoni

-  adobe pork chops

-  chicken curry

 

i think i can get all of this done in one day, if i plan it right.  the garlic bread should take the least amount of time, followed by the pork chops (which i can throw into the crock pot while i'm working on other things). 

 

i'd like to make one vegetarian meal, but i'm going to wait and see what this week's csa brings.  want to hear something frightening?  ...i don't have to go to the store for any ingredients for all of these meals!  {shudder}  a frightening glimpse into how much i hoard food!  (and that's just the tip of the iceberg.)  actually, i'm trying to "iron chef" it by not buying additional food or ingredients.  sometimes known as "frugal chef" in our house.  so, the meals are sort of planned around what we have, already.

 

i have these two large eggplants sitting in the kitchen.  they are going to be bad by the end of the week, but i don't have time to do anything with them when i get home from work.  i really wanted to make oven fried eggplant to freeze away for eggplant parm dinners.  oh well.  maybe we'll get more eggplant this week.  (matt hates getting eggplant because it takes so much time to make it into anything tasty.)

 

anyway, if you have ideas for meals...  send them my way!  i'm trying to keep a good variety going, so matt doesn't get bored. 

 

some ingredients on hand that i would love to incorporate:

- basil plants that need to be fully harvested before it gets too cold

- fresh thyme (will be brought indoors)

- fresh rosemary (will be brought indoors)

- fresh parsley -also needs to be fully harvested

 

- fresh tomatoes

- sweet potatoes

- chard

- arugula

 

- frozen boneless, skinless chicken breasts and thighs

- frozen thick cut pork chops

- frozen ground beef

- frozen veggie patties

- frozen long beans

- frozen whole fish

 

- lots of pasta shapes

- boxed tofu

- giant can of kidney beans

- canned tuna,

- canned salmon

- canned clams

 

obviously, there is pressure to find uses for the fresh items, first.  i'll have to do some more thinking....

|freezer weekend & hoarding|

did i mention that we bought a chest freezer? i had to convince matt to get it. the top reason i wanted to get it was for pumped milk storage. the deep freezer doesn't have autodefrost, so the milk lasts longer, and with the amount of work that i have to put in to get breast milk out, and then scald it for longevity, i want to make sure it is kept in a safe place. matt wants to know what i'm going to do with all the milk. he wants to makes sure i'm not just hoarding food for the baby (which i kinda am). but i plan on making her baby food when she starts solids, so it will get used up.

the tactic that sealed the deal with matt, though, was convincing him that we could buy a 1/4 steer! i think he had visions of a beef filled freezer and meat for dinner every night... i was serious, though. i think we're going to look for a grass-fed organic steer. the recent beef recall only increases my desire to do this. plus, it's like the veggie csa we did this year -it supports a local farmer. (matt says he won't allow me to do the csa again next year. hm.)

so, the freezer is already being put to good use. this weekend, i filled it with my new scalded frozen stash of milk. and i made a whole bunch of meals for future dinners. in a few weeks, we will both be working, and madeline will be at daycare. i don't think either of us will be in any shape to make a hot dinner when we get home. so, to make the transition easier, i am spending my weekends making lots of meals and freezing them in one-meal portions. that way, we can come home, i can feed the baby and take care of bottling my pumped milk from the day, and matt can pull something to nuke for us. plus, i am trying to use up our csa veggies. i think this is a really healthy alternative to ordering take-out/delivery (which is exactly what would happen) or stocking up on pre-made commercial food. plus, it's probably cheaper. maybe the freezer will pay for itself in the end.

so, here's what i have stocked up:
4 servings: gemelli pasta with chicken and yellow peppers in pesto sauce
6 servings: peking pork chop with rice and mixed vegetables (some with sweet potato)
4 servings: spicy shrimp in coconut sauce on rice with sauteed spinach
2 servings: yellow peppers stuffed with beef and rice

i wanted to use up the eggplant that we have, too, but i was exhausted by sunday. eggplant parm was on the list, but now i don't think i'll have a chance to cook it before it goes bad. i'm still pretty darned pleased with how much i got done this weekend. it will make our lives so much easier. plus, it will be great to have some of those summer vegetables when the weather turns cold.

i want to do it again this saturday, so i'm looking for more recipe ideas... meals that freeze well. any suggestions?

i am so glad we got the chest freezer. i'm paying for half of it with my allowance money because matt knows that at least half of the reason i wanted to get it was to satusfy my urge to hoard food. but it's already so useful! even matt admits that it was a good idea.

|milk|

well, it is 1pm and i have already pumped 3 times since i got to work.  i have one more to go at 3pm, and then maybe one at 6pm.  and maybe one after she goes to bed.  gah!  i'm not a big fan of pumping.  how is anyone supposed to get anything done?!

 

the things that keep me going are knowing that madeline needs to eat (and this is the best food, ever!), and seeing how much i can pump out.  it's almost like a little competition with myself.  it's weird, i know.  but i get a little high when i pump more than i expected.  i loaded a bunch of pictures online so i can look at them while pumping.  it seems to help with the milk letting down.  now, it would be really, really weird if i had a competition with lefty vs. righty.  but i'm not *that* weird.  honest.

 

i miss her lots, but i know she's safe at home with daddy.  it will be good for him to start to learn all her cues and cries.  it's such a great time to be with her. 

|one more day|

tomorrow, i'm off to work.
boy, i am going to miss her.